Be Free

Important Things to be Free

I wanted to share you a list with my comments, hoping it acts as a road map for a new life or a reminder if you’ve already started the process of sawing the heavy shackles that have held you down for so long.

– Living freely by crafting a life on our own terms.

I think so many live their lives on other people’s terms and it creates dark tunnels and dead ends.  I’ve been there.  Craving a life based on your own terms is the new horizon.  Kick down the picket fence.  Toss the time card.  Forget the idea of standards or what you believe your life should look like because parents, friends, society, or an older more afraid version of you drew a blueprint that “made sense” a long time ago.  Passion, drive, and truth is what creates magic and there is no room for it if you are not living life on your own terms.  What if you were to burn those prints and redesign your life?  What would that look like?  How would that change you?

– Being free in the moment from oppressions, of past hurts and present anxieties. 

This is a big one.  I don’t know if it’s possible to be completely free of this. But I don’t think that’s the way to approach it.  I think it’s about acquiring tools to manage oppressions, past hurts, and present anxieties. Processing, awareness, release / calm, breathing and balance.  You need someone to process.  It doesn’t necessarily have to be a therapist or life coach.  It can be a friend or your partner.  Just make sure they have some capacity and emotional intelligence.  Release and balance can be done through various activities.  Not just yoga and meditation.  Weightlifting and motorcycle rides can bring them.  The key is to be aware and thread daily rituals into your life to feel, let go, and express yourself, through words, art, fitness, whatever works for you.

– Being lighthearted and spontaneous as free spirits.

I used to take life very seriously.  That’s why my furrows are so deep and ingrained.  I call them Marky Marks.  Today, I take life more seriously.  Because I feel like I’ve found my purpose, something I never felt like I had before.  But I’m much more light hearted and free than before.  The difference between then and now isn’t how serious I am.  It’s making a conscious choice to let go of things I don’t have control over.  Like other people’s opinions.  Reactions to me.  Random turn of events.  The ability to know what to put weight on and when to let go and allow God, the universe, destiny take the wheel and just ride shotgun.  To observe and learn instead of trying to smash things where they don’t fit.  This creates distance and allows me to pull from my heart instead of my ego.  It allows me to trust my story and be less afraid.  Your spirit must be free for you to have a voice.  Without a voice, you will never be free.

– Courageously speaking out thoughts, feelings, and ambitions with those around us, without concern about acceptance.

We all want to be accepted.  We all want approval.  But the question is at what cost?  Your potency will always live in your truth.  If you do not create a space to express it, you are not only losing your voice, you are losing your potential.  And we will be losing your gifts.  Where in your life do you allow yourself to be muted?

– Enjoying our free will to pursue abundant happiness, wealth, health, achievement, and contributions.

It’s okay to want things.  Many feel they don’t deserve the things what they want.  Or they feel guilty after getting them.  It’s okay to pursue in abundance.  This is America.  Your world will be brighter and you will be left with more fuel, assuming you know that the nectar is found in the chase, not the gold.  So go after whatever you want, run toward it with out limits.  And when you get there, celebrate your accomplishments.  Free yourself from the limitations you put on what you feel you deserve.  You deserve the world.  Go after it.

– Freely loving who we choose to with passionate abandon.

To me, this means to love without being afraid.  Love without thinking about the future or what the relationship is going to look like.  Love without a plan.  Love in the moment.  Without fear.  Without residue.  This is one of our greatest freedoms, yet one of the most difficult things to do.  We don’t allow ourselves to be free with love.  We hold, trap, define, judge, control, and become our own prisoners.  To tell yourself you are willing to be abandoned and yet choose to love as hard and honest as you can, is complete freedom.

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Credits

source: Angry

TAKE RISKS

Successful People Take Risks!

Too many people “play it safe.” This is the playground of mediocrity. It’s where average people live. They colour inside the lines, and always play by the rules. They fear the unknown, and rarely – if ever – venture outside the boundaries. People who “play it safe” are predictable. Their life is run by rules and routine. Their actions are often dictated by the opinions of others. This is the crowd that fights to keep things the same…

Risk-takers, however, are a different breed. They live in the realm of possibility and greatness. They are not afraid to live beyond the boundaries and to colour outside the lines. To them, there is no such thing as failure; only experiments that didn’t work! Risk-takers are marked by a sense of adventure and passion. They care little for the accolades of the crowd. They are more focused on squeezing everything they can out of every moment. They are not afraid to “boldly go where no one has gone before.”

Success without risk?

Think about it. Try naming one historical figure that made a difference by playing it safe and being average. The vast majority of successful people are remembered for the difference that they made in their lifetime. And that difference required them to take risks and challenge the status quo.

We are inspired by people who go beyond the norm and push the boundaries of possibility. Mediocrity, on the other hand, does not inspire. Nor does it lead to greatness. Success, however you define it, will elude you unless you are willing to push the limits you have placed on yourself, and that others have placed on you.

The Orville brothers would have never made their historical flight if they had listened to the naysayers. Henry Ford would have never invented the automobile if he had paid attention to his critics. David would have never defeated Goliath if he had allowed his own family to discourage him. The list goes on and on.

Every major breakthrough in history – in business, science, medicine, sports, etc. – is the result of an individual who took a risk and refused to play it safe. Successful people understand this. Their innovation is the result of their adventurous spirit. They invent, achieve, surpass, and succeed because they dare to live beyond the realm of normal.

Calculated risk

Successful people take risks, but they don’t take thoughtless risks. Only a fool rushes in. Onlookers might interpret their actions as unwise, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. People who achieve greatness take calculated risks. They think things through and evaluate their options. They research and gain the knowledge they need to make an informed decision. They weigh the pros and cons. They ask the following three questions:

1. What’s the best-case scenario?

2. What’s the worst-case scenario?

3. What’s the most likely scenario?

In the age of the information super highway, getting your hands on valuable knowledge has never been easier. Weighing your options, performing due diligence, and “getting in the know” is more possible than ever. But what sets successful people apart from others is that after they have conducted their research, they ACT! They take the leap. They dare to charge ahead. They take the risk!

With most people, when all is said and done, more is ever said than done. Under the guise of evaluating their options, they get caught in the paralysis of analysis. Have you heard the saying, “knowledge is power”? Many believe this statement to be true. If that is the case, why are so many highly educated people not more successful? Knowledge only becomes power when it’s acted upon.

Success needs action

When is the last time you did something for the first time? When was the last time you pushed yourself beyond your limits? When is the last time you took a real risk? The answers to these questions may reveal much about your willingness to do what it takes to achieve your goals and dreams.

Many people have goals. Only few ever achieve them. Many people dream. Few people ever turn those dreams into reality. Successful people understand that risks must be taken in order to pull a dream out of the world of the ethereal into the realm of the natural. It is one thing to have a vision. It is a different matter altogether to be a visionary.

Take a moment to revisit your goals and dreams. As you review them, think through what risks you may have to take in order to accomplish them. Are you willing to risk ridicule, failure, misunderstanding, etc.? If you are, you can experience success and the thrill of proclaiming, “Wow… what a ride!”

Are you playing it safe?

Read Mark Frost’s quote. Read it slowly, out loud. Try placing the emphasis on a different word or phrase each time you read it. Let its meaning sink in. Now take a few minutes to write down what thoughts were triggered in your mind. Think about areas of your life where you are playing it safe and need to take greater risks.

“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body. But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming…. Wow! What a ride!” 

Mark Frost 

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Credits

Source: Eric Deschamps | Building Leaders, Business Effectiveness, 

My boss is not so smart

 What to Do If You’re Smarter than Your Boss

You want to work for a great boss — someone you can respect and learn from. But what if your manager isn’t good at his job? What if you’re more competent or have greater skills? Should you be raising a ruckus or keeping your head down? And how do you get what you need without making your boss look bad?

What the Experts Say
“There are a lot of bad managers out there,” says Annie McKee, founder of the Teleos Leadership Institute and coauthor of Primal Leadership. So it’s not unusual to feel smarter or more qualified than your boss. Still, being in good company doesn’t make the situation any more tenable. Toiling under someone who you feel is incompetent can be demoralizing. But not all hope is lost. Even less-than-great bosses have something to teach, says Linda Hill, the Wallace Brett Donham Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School and coauthor of Collective Genius and Being the Boss: “There are very few people in this world that I don’t think I can learn from.” So try not to discount your boss completely. Here’s how to make the most of the often frustrating situation.

Be honest with yourself
Before you declare your boss an incompetent fool, take a close look at what’s really happening. “Some people need to believe they’re better to keep their self-esteem intact, or they may just be more qualified in one area,” McKee says. Ask yourself if you’re genuinely smarter than your manager or if it’s possible that you’re more qualified in some areas but not others. “As people move up it’s natural to get better at leading and managing while losing your technical edge,” says McKee. Be honest with yourself about what skills you have and which your boss lacks. “Being smarter than your boss doesn’t mean you’re going to be more effective,” says Hill. After all, to be good at your job, you don’t just need smarts. “You need experience, strong relationships, social capital, and emotional intelligence,” she says.

Focus on doing a good job Keep quiet
If after reflecting on the situation, you conclude that you’re actually smarter or more qualified, think twice before talking to anyone about it. McKee says it’s tempting to plead your case to higher ups or to try to prove that you should have you manager’s job. But this rarely works. “You put yourself at risk if you decide to go directly into that conflict because bosses usually win,” she says. Sure, you may want to vent to one or two trusted colleagues, but be careful. “If your boss senses you are critical or derogatory of her, that relationship may be over,” she says. Many people in this situation make the mistake of telling others how incompetent or unqualified their boss is. “You need to be respectful. If you badmouth your manager, it’s going to reflect badly on you. People notice and worry you’ll talk about them the same way,” says Hill. Nor should you take it out on her. “Don’t be mad at the boss, be mad at the people who didn’t make you the boss,” she says.

Don’t get caught up in ruminating about who should have what job. You’re better off focusing on your responsibilities, says Hill: “You want to make sure you do your work and people understand what you’ve been able to accomplish.” It might help to focus on the bigger picture instead of your relationship. “You have to find a higher purpose,” says McKee. “Take it outside of the interpersonal fight with your boss.” Hill agrees: “Don’t come in as the smart, young hotshot. Do what’s best for the enterprise.”

Help your boss be better
There’s no reason not to be generous. If your boss is successful, there’s a greater chance you’ll be successful too. “See yourself as a complement to the person. Find a way to compensate for her weaknesses,” says Hill. If he isn’t good at seeing the big picture, ask questions that help him pull back from the details. If she doesn’t understand the technical ins and outs of your product, offer to cover the part of a meeting where the features will be discussed. “Offer up ways that he or she can use you better,” says McKee.

Don’t cover up
“There’s a big difference between delivering on what you’re supposed to do and covering up your boss’s mistakes,” says McKee. If your boss has a pattern of making gaffes, it doesn’t serve you or the company to continuously clean up his mess. “You need to do your job well and you need to deliver on what your boss is asking of you, but if your work is being used to cover up serious deficiencies, you may need to have a conversation with HR,” says McKee.

Find something to respect
It’s easy to focus on the bad but even the worst bosses have redeeming qualities. “How can you find something you respect?” asks McKee. She recommends looking beyond the work environment if necessary. “Is your boss a good mom or a kind husband?” If you truly can’t find something you admire, you may need to find a new job. “If not now, soon,” says McKee. “It’s soul destroying to work for someone you truly don’t respect.” Hill agrees: “If you think you can’t partner with that person, then you need to think about whether you should be at the organization.”

Learn from someone else
If your boss isn’t giving you the coaching you need, “broaden your network,” Hill recommends. Take your learning into your own hands and, McKee suggests, volunteer for projects that will allow you to interact with other senior people in the company. Be explicit about what you want. You might approach another manager and say, “I’d love to learn more about how you do X. Do you mind if we spend a couple hours together over the next few months?” “You can choose to see every opportunity as a way to learn,” McKee says.

Principles to Remember

Do:

• Help your boss do her job — see yourself as a complement
• Find something you genuinely respect about him
• Seek out other mentors to help you learn and grow

Don’t:

• Assume that you’re more qualified than your boss— chances are she has some skills you don’t
• Try to take over her job — bosses usually win
• Cover up egregious mistakes or a long-standing pattern of ineptitude

Case study #1: Help out when you can
When Patricia Wright* was appointed by a government official in South Africa as an assistant, the job was meant to be administrative. But it was quickly clear to her and her new boss that she had valuable technical skills and experience. “My knowledge and experience on IT-related issues superseded those of my colleagues and my manager,” she says.

At the beginning, she found it irritating to know more than her boss. But he was “very open to learning and being shown how things should be done,” Patricia says. “We grew up in different eras so it did take time and patience to teach him but when he used my ideas, he would thank me and attribute the suggestions to me.” So her frustration soon turned to pride.

Eventually Patricia moved on because she wasn’t passionate about the work. Still she got a lot from her experience. “I learned to have plenty of patience and to be a ‘solution seeker.’ This way of thinking helped me get the job I have today.”

Case study #2: Make your boss look good
Soon after Abike Eze* became a marketing and business development manager at a financial services company based in Lagos, Nigeria, he got a new boss — we’ll call her Rose.* Rose moved to marketing from HR and had no background in the function. Abike found himself having to cover a lot of her work. “Even though she heads the marketing unit, I am responsible for coming up with the strategy to grow the business and for cutting costs,” he says.

He admits that it’s frustrating at times, especially when she makes decisions that go against what he thinks is best based on his expertise. Still, he does whatever he can to support her and make her look good. “Humility is the way to go,” he says. “I offer to help when I sense she may be struggling with a task or an idea.” And when he presents an idea to more senior executives, he often gives Rose the credit or at least says that they worked on it together. She is aware of what Abike does for her and returns the favor, saying good things about him to their boss.

This collaborative —rather than combative ­— approach has worked for Abike. He is well regarded by his boss’s boss and he has critical responsibilities in the company, even if he doesn’t hold the “head of marketing” title.  Besides he doesn’t see another good option. “If you have friction with your manager, and the company values him more than you, you may risk being let go,” he explains. “She’s been with the company for over a decade and I have only been here for eight months. Besides she is my boss after all,” he says.

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Source: Harvard Business Review

DREAMS

What Are Dreams?

Dreams are basically stories and images our mind creates while we sleep. Dreams can be vivid. They can make you feel happy, sad, or scared. And they may seem confusing or perfectly rational.

Dreams can occur anytime during sleep. But most vivid dreams occur during deep, REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, when the brain is most active. Some experts say we dream at least four to six times per night.

Why Do We Dream?

There are many theories about why we dream, but no one knows for sure. Some researchers say dreams have no purpose or meaning and are nonsensical activities of the sleeping brain. Others say dreams are necessary for mental, emotional, and physical health.

Studies have shown the importance of dreams to our health and well-being. In one study, researchers woke subjects just as they were drifting off into REM sleep. They found that those who were not allowed to dream experienced:

·         Increased tension

·         Anxiety

·         Depression

·         Difficulty concentrating

·         Lack of coordination

·         Weight gain

·         Tendency to hallucinate

·          

Many experts say that dreams exist to:

·         Help solve problems in our lives

·         Incorporate memories

·         Process emotions

If you go to bed with a troubling thought, you may wake with a solution, or at least feel better about the situation.

Sigmund Freud believed dreams are a window into our subconscious. He believed they reveal a person's:

·  Unconscious desires

·  Thoughts

·  Motivations

Freud thought dreams were a way for people to satisfy urges and desires that were unacceptable to society.

Perhaps there is merit with all these theories. Some dreams may help our brains process our thoughts and the events of the day. Others may just be the result of normal brain activity and mean very little, if anything. Researchers are still trying to figure out exactly why we dream.

What Do Dreams Mean?

Just as there are varying opinions as to why we dream, there are also different views as to what dreams mean. Some experts say dreams have no connection to our real emotions or thoughts. They are just strange stories that don't relate to normal life.

Others say our dreams may reflect our own underlying thoughts and feelings -- our deepest desires, fears, and concerns, especially recurring dreams. By interpreting our dreams, we may be able to gain insight into our lives and ourselves. Many people say they have come up with their best ideas while dreaming, so dreams may be a conduit of creativity.

Often people report having similar dreams -- they are being chased, fall off a cliff, or appear in public naked. These types of dreams are likely caused by a hidden stress or anxiety. While the dreams may be similar, experts say the meaning behind the dream is unique to each person.

Therefore, many experts say not to rely on books or "dream dictionaries," which give a specific meaning for a specific dream image or symbol. The particular reason behind your dream is unique to you.

Although scientists can't say for sure what dreams mean and why we dream, many people find meaning in their dreams.

Why Do Nightmares Occur?

Nightmares, or bad dreams, are common in children and adults. Often nightmares are caused by:

·  Stress, conflict, and fear

·  Trauma

·  Emotional problems

·  Medication or drug use

·  Illness

If you have a recurring nightmare, your subconscious may be trying to tell you something. Listen to it. If you can't figure out why you are having bad dreams, and you continue to have them, talk to a qualified mental health care provider. They may be able to help you figure out what is causing your nightmares and provide tips to put you at ease.

Keep in mind that no matter how scary a nightmare is, it is not real and most likely will not happen to you in real life.

What Are Lucid Dreams?

Have you ever had a dream where you knew you were dreaming during your dream? This is called a lucid dream. Research has shown that lucid dreaming is accompanied by an increased activation of parts of the brain that are normally suppressed during sleep. Lucid dreaming represents a brain state between REM sleep and being awake.

Some people who are lucid dreamers are able to influence the direction of their dream, changing the story so to speak. While this may be a good tactic to take, especially during a nightmare, many dream experts say it is better to let your dreams occur naturally.

Can Dreams Predict the Future?

There are many examples of situations where a dream came true or was telling of a future event. When you have a dream that then plays out in real life, experts say it is most likely due to:

·         Coincidence

·         Faulty memory

·         An unconscious tying together of known information

However, sometimes dreams can motivate you to act a certain way, thus changing the future.

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Credits

source: WebMD

OBSTACLES

The Landmines Standing Between You and Your Goal

Setting goals is the first step… achieving them is the second step… and it’s at this second step that most of us stumble. We stumble not because the goal is unachievable, but rather because of unexpected obstacles and challenges that arise along the journey that make the goal seem unachievable.

It’s important to understand that every goal we set naturally comes with a plethora of landmines that are attached to that goal. These land-mines show up in our lives as a set of obstacles, challenges and problems that we must surpass in order to get to our end destination, which is our goal. In fact, unless we successfully maneuver through these land-mines and overcome them, than we will fail to learn the valuable lessons that are required to help us achieve — and keep — our goal when we get to that end destination.

Have you ever heard of multi-million dollar lottery winners who are far worse off today than they were before they won the lotto? They lost their money because they didn’t go through the struggles, obstacles, challenges and problems that self-made millionaires face, and as a result they weren’t able to hold onto their goal when it was clearly within their grasp.

Today’s discussion won’t help you win the lottery, however what it will do is help you to deal with the obstacles that you will likely face as you progress along your journey towards the attainment of your objectives.

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Types of Obstacles

There are three types of obstacles that you will likely face along your journey towards your goals. These include personal obstacles, environmental obstacles and social obstacles. Each is outlined separately below.

Personal Obstacles

Personal obstacles are related to our psychology, behaviors and state-of-mind. They can include limiting habits, debilitating emotions, fears and beliefs. These obstacles prevent us from moving forward towards the attainment of our goals and objectives because of the thoughts that we tend to dwell upon every day. These thoughts naturally prevent us from making effective decisions and undertaking the actions that will help us create the momentum we need to get to our end destination.

Here is a list of personal obstacles that could be preventing you from moving forward in your life:

• Lack of pain
• Lack of discipline
• Lack of knowledge
• Lack of inspiration
• Lack of desire
• Lack of skill
• Fear of change
• Fear of failure
• Feeling unworthy
• Procrastination
• Perfectionism
• Disorganization
• Pessimistic thoughts
• Too many time constraints
• Too much complacency
• Too much blaming of self and others
• Too many excuses
• Too much complaining

Identify if any of these obstacles are currently preventing you from getting what you want most out of life, and choose today to take control of your thought patterns and begin making better and far more effective decisions.

Social Obstacles

Social obstacles are related to people who either do no cooperate with you, sabotage you, or are simply incompetent and unable to fulfill the responsibilities assigned to them.

When it comes to social obstacles, it’s important to do a little forward planning, to make sure that you clarify your needs adequately, your knowledge thoroughly and your instructions carefully — ensuring that that the communication doesn’t break down at any stage. It also helps to develop good strong bonds and relationships with the people you rely on most.

You will go out of your mind if you try to control everyone’s behavior, decision and action. Instead try to subtly influence people and understand their needs, motives and desires. Only in this way will you successfully improve your chances of manoevering through the social obstacles in your life.

Environmental Obstacles

Environmental obstacles are often unexpected conditions, occurrences and circumstances that you have very little control over.

Because these events and circumstances are unexpected, we are often ill-prepared and unable to deal with them effectively. However, if we do a little research and use some forward planning we may be able to predict and oftentimes influence these occurrences by setting into place contingency plans. To do this, begin by following Murphy’s Law:

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong at the worst possible time, all of the time when you least expect it. So what are you going to do about it?

When you plan for the future, you gather a better understanding of the possible scenarios and consequences of your decisions and actions. Planning also gives you insight into additional resources you may need to help you overcome environmental obstacles that lie on the journey ahead.

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Obstacle Analysis Questions

As a life skills coach, I often work with clients who are struggling to overcome personal obstacles. They don’t know what to do, where to begin or how to move forward. In such instances I will ask them a series of questions that helps them gain new perspectives and understandings about their circumstances. As a result they begin to unlock hidden resources they never realized they had.

I have outlined the specific questions I ask below.

Question the Problem

What are the indications that this is a problem for you?

How do you know this is accurate?

Question the Origins of Problem

How did all this start?

Who or what perpetuates this problem?

Identify the Details

When did it happen?

How did it happen?

Where did it happen?

Determine the Consequences

What would happen if you ignored it?

When could it become a bigger problem?

What could lead to this specific outcome?

How does this affect you?

How does this affect others?

How does this affect life?

Could resolving this cause other problems?

Take Control

Whose behavior do you control?

What aspects of this problem can you control?

What aspects of this problem can’t you control?

How must you respond to what you can’t control?

Identify the Positives

What is happening that is good?

What would you like to have continue to happen?

Gain Perspective

What are your assumptions about this?

How are your assumptions contributing to the problem?

What is another perspective you haven’t considered?

Who has successfully overcome this?

What can you learn from this person?

Expand Your Options

What could you do differently?

Who could assist you?

Where haven’t you looked for a solution?

How will you know when this problem has been resolved?

What is your criteria for success?

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Tips for Overcoming Obstacles

When confronted with obstacles, problems and challenges, it’s easy to become a little overwhelmed, especially when the circumstances are unfamiliar and seem a little threatening and urgent. However, no matter what life throws your way, keep in mind that there are always options available, there are always things you can do, actions you can take and decisions you can make that will keep moving you forward in the right direction.

Step Back Emotionally

When unexpected obstacles suddenly show up, it’s easy to react emotionally to the circumstances. However, emotional reactions are often not very productive, and more times than not they don’t alleviate the situation. Instead we must learn to step back from our emotions and see the situation from an external perspective — through logic and reason. It’s only once we grasp the circumstances from an intellectual perspective that we begin to identify the true relevance and significance of the events that have taken place.

Gain Necessary Resources and Support

At times we simply do not have the necessary resources to help us deal with the situation at hand. In such circumstances we must question what pieces of the puzzle we are currently missing, and then look for the necessary tools, strategies, knowledge and the support we need to help us overcome this obstacle successfully.

Acquire Different Perspective

Sometimes obstacles are only as real as we make them out to be. In fact at times obstacles are simply misunderstandings and generalizations that we have made about circumstances. At other times obstacles are only as real as the assumptions that are clouding our vision.

To begin shifting your perspective, start by viewing the situation you find yourself in from another person’s perspective. Alternatively you can use a plethora of framing and reframing techniques that will help you shift the way you think about your circumstances.

Seek Guidance

Often the answers we need to help us overcome the obstacles in our lives can be found by simply talking to other people. In fact, other people might have already dealt and successfully overcome the circumstances you find yourself in. You must therefore seek out mentors, life coaches or experts to help you find the answers you need to move you forward towards your goals and objectives.

Breathe, Take Control and Take Action

When obstacles overwhelm us, our first automatic response is to freeze. This paralysis may seem unhelpful at first, however it gives us time to ponder and think strategically about the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Take these moments to breathe deeply and ask yourself the following questions:

What is it that I control?

What is it that I don’t control?

How can I gain control over these circumstances?

If I cannot gain control, then how can I influence these circumstances?

If I cannot influence them, then maybe I am not seeing things clearly. Where must I look for more information?

By asking and taking action on these questions you will gain some semblance of control over your circumstances and can slowly start building momentum moving forward towards the attainment of your goals.

Adjust Your Priorities

At times we are unable to overcome certain obstacles in our lives because our priorities are simply out of order. This is especially relevant when you consider that spending a little more time concentrating on developing a certain skill or gaining knowledge in a specific area of your life can have a significant impact on your ability to overcome difficult circumstances.

Assess Your Obstacles

You will rarely be able to overcome an obstacle unless you are able to figure out how it originated and weaseled its way into your life.  You must therefore ask yourself:

What went wrong?

What could have caused this?

What must I do now?

List Possible Options

Sometimes obstacles have a tendency to lock us up mentally in a confined space, thusly limiting our thinking and perspective of the situation. In such instances we must realize that solutions can only be found when we open our minds to possibilities and options that we hadn’t considered before. To do this, simply sit down with a pen and paper and ask yourself over and over again:

How can I overcome this obstacle?

What options haven’t I considered?

The more options you have, the more opportunity you have to find a suitable answer to the problem you are facing.

Ask Effective Questions

The above two examples hopefully help unlock the power of questions and how asking effective questions can help you gather new and different perspectives about your life and circumstances. In addition to this, spend time overviewing the obstacle analysis questions that are listed on the second branch of this IQ Matrix map. Together they provide a powerful example of how questions can be used  to help shift your perspective.

Experiment in New Directions

Asking effective questions will help you  gain new insights into the obstacles that are standing in your way. Use this gathered information to try new things and move in new directions that you never considered before. It is after all the path less traveled that will make all the difference in the end. 

Accept and Acknowledge Circumstances

When confronted with an obstacle, the worst thing we can do is to deny that the problem exists.

When we deny that something exists we close ourselves off to solutions, answers and opportunities that are waiting for us to discover. We must therefore accept and acknowledge the circumstances for what they are from an optimistic, solution orientated yet very realistic perspective.

Think Critically and Creatively

Creative and critical thinking was built upon the foundations of the obstacles and problems that people have dealt with throughout the course of human history. In fact, without obstacles and problems there would be no need for creative or critical thought. You must therefore use these two tools to help you unlock the solutions and answers you need that will help you overcome the obstacles in your life.

Take Small Steps

By taking small steps you ensure that you always remain in control and do not get overwhelmed by circumstances. To do this, simply break down what you need to do to overcome this obstacle into small manageable chunks, then progressively work on one or more chunks per day until you successfully reach your outcome.

Make Necessary Sacrifices

At times we find it difficult to overcome certain obstacles because we are simply unwilling to make the necessary sacrifices to make the changes in our life that would help us to successfully overcome the problems we are confronting. Sometimes it’s not what you do, but rather what you let go of that will have the greatest impact on your life.

Learn from Mistakes

Progress is built upon a myriad of mistakes that we make on a daily basis. Some are big, some are small, but one thing is certain, they are all significant with helping us learn the lessons we need to learn, to help us achieve our goals and objectives.

Take time to learn from every unsuccessful attempt, from every failed result, and from every unsatisfactory outcome. The more you learn, the more you will grow and the better you will be able to deal with the obstacles that lie ahead on your path.

Keep Things Simple

When dealing with obstacles, simplicity is the key. The more we try and complicate things, the more likely we are to become overwhelmed with circumstances. You must therefore keep things as simple and straightforward as possible, because the toughest of problems are often solved in simple ways.

Cultivate Self Belief and Confidence

You are unlikely to overcome an obstacle if you don’t believe that you are capable of overcoming it. Your doubts will only paralyze you and focus you on problems and not the solutions you need to get the outcomes you want. You must therefore develop the necessary confidence and self-belief that will help you to think far more effectively about the obstacles and problems in your life.

Cultivate Calmness

Calmness provides you with clarity of mind, which enables you to ask better questions, think more creatively, critically and effectively about your problems.

When your mind and body is calm, you naturally tap into a reservoir of internal resources that you normally wouldn’t have access to if you were to react emotionally to circumstances.

Cultivate an Active Mindset

An active mindset helps you to proactively deal with circumstances. It’s a mindset that asks effective questions; always looks for new answers, opportunities and solutions; is flexible, adaptable and constantly learns from past mistakes, while moving forward towards the attainment of its goals and objectives.

Cultivate these Indispensable Qualities

Those who successfully overcome obstacles in their lives, consistently cultivate the following qualities:

• Discipline
• Commitment
• Foresight
• Resilience
• Enthusiasm
• Gratitude
• Optimism
• Curiosity
• Patience

I will break down each of these qualities — as well as other qualities — within future IQ Matrix maps.

Don’t Dwell on the Negatives

When you dwell on what you don’t want, you will get more of that in your life, because we attract what we focus on. Therefore if you focus on worst case scenarios that will rip your life apart, then you’re not focusing on solutions, and if you’re not focusing on solutions then you are unlikely to find the answers you need to help you overcome your problems.

Don’t Throw Blame on Your-Self or Others

It’s paramount that you do not blame yourself or others for the circumstances you find yourself in. Yes, you can acknowledge that someone was at fault, however it’s often not the person but rather the systems andprocesses in place that lead to this outcome. Fix these, do not lay blame, and the obstacles you are facing will be fade away.

Don’t Look for Sympathy

When we look for sympathy from others, we come from a point of weakness and an inability to control our fate and destiny. We must instead look to come from a place of personal empowerment, where we take full responsibility for our life and circumstances. This of course does not mean that we shouldn’t ask for help or assistance. What it does mean is that we should focus on always exploring options that will move us forward towards the attainment of our goals and objectives.

Don’t Quit

Finally, no matter what, do not quit, because the greatest opportunities are always interlocked with the most difficult struggles of your life.

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Final Thoughts

Frank A. Clark knew all about the value of obstacles when he said:

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.

Obstacles are just “things” that are there to teach and strengthen us for the journey that lies ahead. We must therefore not view them as insurmountable problems that will prevent us from achieving our goals, but rather as small — and at times large — stepping stones that are required “modules” we need to pass in order to obtain our Ph.D. in Goal Achievement. And finally, it’s important to remind ourselves of the indispensable lesson that many former Lottery winners have found out the hard way, that there is only one thing worse than being poor, and that is “being rich and then being poor once again”. 

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Credits,

source: IQ Matrix